Human Connections

I feel like one of the hardest things in my life is to find female friends who lift me up. My family history may have made me jaded. Still, I doubt my struggle is unique. I appreciate honesty and directness saturated with sincerity, genuine kindness, and integrity. Male friends are not perfect, but they are much easier to connect with. I do not find as many enjoy the mind games that women enjoy. Not for friendships.

I run a local craft (knitting and crochet) group in my area. Technically, we have about 85 members. Realistically, about only 20 show up for gatherings and usually the groups are no bigger than 8 at a time, depending on their schedules. It all works out. We chat mostly on Facebook and many enjoy the connections on Facebook enough without connecting in person.

Jackie is a fellow knitter in our local yarn knit/crochet group. She and I immediately clicked. Same sense of humor, but more than that. Sounds cheesy to say same wavelength but I have no other words. We “get” each other despite her being raised in the Midwest, and I am a West Coast girl. Only my tightest circle (and the few trusted groups of strangers on the internet) have an inkling of the struggles I have been going through. I had not planned on confiding in her. But, in one horrible moment and during a mental breakdown, I let it all out over text when I had no one else to talk to. It stunned me she did not get awkward and run away like most people do in this situation. Instead, she became my warrior sister and a great supporter. Our friendship became forged that day and has only grown stronger since. Not in bold strides, because of past trauma for each of us. We are each hesitant to believe anyone cares about us as much as we can care for others. It does not happen.

We are sincere women who do not play mind games, are direct, and have no hidden agendas. We both have a well-earned weariness from past deep traumas. However, each time we connect, we earn each other’s trust more.

Today she asked if she could take me to lunch. We had never done something so personal. I hesitated. She persisted. I relented and agreed. I have not felt like myself, in the way I did during those hours with her this afternoon, in years. Genuine friendship is a rare thing.

We connected, laughed, we let our barriers down, helped each other, made plans, and confided in each other. Our friendship grew to a new, deep, ocean level.

I am still bracing for something to happen. She will decide I am a dork. Or needy. Or stupid. Or she has too much on her own plate. Or something that has absolutely nothing to do with me, but I’ll never know the story. I am not sure I will ever fully emotionally invest in another human again in my lifetime. Recent events have scorched my soul.

Today was a precious gift. I felt hope again. Most people do not know what I am going through emotionally. Maybe health-wise, but not the entire story.

Her connection with me was priceless and was my lifeline. If she cancels all plans, this will still be an amazing thing she did for me that helped shift my life to the better path. I will always be grateful to her for that.

I tell you all this because we forget one human connecting with another may be the most important and life-affirming action to take place. You cannot buy it. It thwarts loneliness and depression. Improves an immune system. Enhances cognitive function and memory. It is a necessity after food, water, and shelter. Yet, today it seems we no longer do it. Rarely do it with a stranger. A smile or a sincere hello. Some gestures can have enormous affects.

Today was only a two-hour lunch, and it was a crater-level impact in my world.